Tuesday, September 7, 2010

How I started painting ...

This world is damn beautiful yarr.... often I murmur while standing alone at some relaxing place or while on a journey to somewhere. I peep outside the glass window, gazing at whatever comes across my way and goes back like a wave. I see the blue sky and sometimes the changing mood of the sky depending upon the movement of sun... How those scenes come so beautiful ! sometimes the very usual paths, the grass grown up wildly on two sides of those paths, the people working in fields, markets, shops, and visible objects all around seem so picturesque that is beyond explanation. 


Especially the sky, has been attracting me since my very childhood; as if there were something dwelling in the sky that drags my gaze all the time upward,...ha ha.. Its true, sky has always been my rescuer. In my childhood when home tutor was instructing me to indulge myself in solving some difficult maths; to get escape from the hardship I usually asked for a break to drink some water or go to bathroom. When I had the permission, I would go swiftly to terrace and would place myself on a couch gazing at the sky as if the stars were going to solve my mathematics problem.. I would continue to gaze at the stars until a loud call or a person had come from inside ...

But its true, sky gazing has been my favorite pastime activity. During night, the most beautiful, big and dazzling star (that could be the nearest most planet) often attracts me as if a diamond attracts a woman.. that she had the opportunity to immediately grab the most precious diamond for her necklace at once... But that is not only a diamond for me, that is something more than that, I could imagine the star to be one of my best friends. I could imagine a feeling of tenderness, an intent feeling of soothing love that my very star friend was creating in me. As if it was telling me- "gaze at me and feel me within you".... My star friend also visits my sky during day time somewhere beneath the horizon... while spreading its magical wings carrying full of eonian colours it fills up my heart with fervor happiness.... And what to tell about the moon !!! Who else can be as lovable and darling than my juvenile moon? Every moonlit night brings forth new aspirations, new maddening crave deep inside heart.... Just looking at it removes all the ill feelings, all the grieves, have you ever felt? 

I amaze how madly I am in love with the earth, the sea, the mountain, the trees, creepers, the chirping birds,  flowers, the clouds, the rain, the sky and my dearest star friend....! I won't mind to take several rebirths to fill my heart with such earthly beauty over and again... I won't mind to take rebirth to experience the tender feelings of love and compassion that I am continuing to get from the people (family and friends) around me since very childhood...  It too amaze me how comes the beautiful shapes, sizes and colours around me so created? Where is he hiding himself who created all these....! If I could imprison all that I see inside my eye balls for ever..! If I could paint pictures of the things what I see and appreciate... But Alas... That much of talent probably I have not borne with. I failed several times painting a good picture.... at what my heart would say... Wow, what wonder you did ....! What a picture you have made....!

When I was a student of standard 5 or 6, I used to peep at the entrance of the room of our art/Odia literature teacher (Upendra Sir) who at recess period used to engage himself in preparing small but cute greetings cards which probably was giving him some extra income. Instead of playing with my friends, I was spending the 45 minutes only standing at a corner of the entrance and watched the movements of hands of my art teacher. A burning desire arose, inside my heart to paint a picture like my teacher. I then decided to paint a picture of Radha Krishana, (my all time favorite Love-pair). I started painting Radha Krishna by watching a painting somewhere. I coloured the drawing with camel water color which was meant for our drawing class in school. I was really fascinated with my achievement. I showed the picture to everyone in my family including my mother (who praised high of my first ever figure painting), I showed that to our neighborer and friends and at last to my Upendra Sir who took the picture in his hand and circulated all over the class. I was so embarrassed that felt like covering my face with my folded palms.. That was an embarrassment of overt joy that I was feeling at that moment. But that very beginning inspired me whispering in my ears "Yes you would be an artist"...although I don't know when that whispering will aloud be spoken "You really are an artist". I tried afterwards to draw and paint but gradually I discovered that my drawings were like somebody has created something while being punished with a hunter... In the figures I drew, the hands and legs were appearing as if those were leprosy stricken... And my father's warning not to waste time in painting vague pictures and rather to study made me continue and adjust with my passion just making some odd creations of fairies, saree clad woman and Radha-Krishna in rough papers only. During matriculation all my painting related equipments were hidden away from my vision as I had then developed a peculiar interest in doing Pattachitra (the traditional art of Orissa) instead of studying my curricula. But how could I control my mind... that was very difficult on my part. So somehow I managed to get few bottles of acrylic colour from my friend but she did not have a brush with her. Taking advantage of the absence of my father who had gone for a tour, I started to do those unfinished paintings with small chosen threads/sticks of coconut leaf. And some how managed to finish those taking much longer time. During vacations my full time work would be preparing odd pictures.... of course because I could not make a perfect one. Gradually when the pressure of my studies became more and more, I preferred not to paint. And when vacation came I started doing again. I use to give those very odd (immaturely painted) pictures to my friends and relatives as gift who loved to take those not because I was going to present wonderful art works for their living rooms but because the feeling of love for them as my labour and time invested was there in those pictures... They remember me, love me, nothing can be the greatest gifts than that ,they gave in turn. Once I gave a picture to a lecturer in Economics Tarun Ojha Sir who really was an awarded artist... He appreciated me and blessed me giving me a book of Van Ruisdael, a great Dutch artist which I love so much and have read several times. My teacher told me never to give up the habit of painting pictures. But all of a sudden I stopped doing pictures being mingled with studies to make a career, and all of a sudden got married and raised family...

But I find some sort of craving within me alive even now to express the beauty that I behold and to express the whispers of my star friend through my palette and paper...


                            The Water Colour Radha- Krishna I have made recently 





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